Dear Jake Kilroy,
Thank for your submission to Every Day Fiction. I regret to inform you that we are unable to use it at this time.
This story needs more structure and organization. The main character may be messy and disorganized but that is no reason the writing to be the same.
-- K.C.
There's an interesting idea here, but since nothing changes and neither character learns anything, it didn't work for me. A stronger plot arc and some character development would help this piece a lot. Darby's chemically-altered ramble would make an interesting theatre monologue, but as a solid block in the middle of a flash fiction story, it's too dense for most online readers to work through.
-- Camille
We wish you good luck in placing the Story elsewhere.
Sincerely,
all of us at Every Day Fiction
http://www.everydayfiction.com
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